. . .of how much I miss cuddling. All I want to do is breathe and feel.
I've decided that I'd try basing my blog posts of tweets that I made. Some of my tweets don't quite make sense in this context but I'll do my best. This one is brought to you from earlier in the week.
I was feeling quite despondent and took some time on Monday, Columbus Day, to clean my room. Not clean as in dusting and vaccuuming--I wish I had done that, actually. But clean as in removing all of the things that remind me of my previous relationship. I've been single for weeks but there was just so much around my room that I couldn't bring myself to move anything. Things changed Monday--I got the drive to get nearly everything together in one spot and out of sight. I'm sure almost all of us can relate to how much it sucks to have constant reminders around your room of something good. And it was really, really good. I vowed not to throw anything away and I didn't. Except for a really old, used Dunkin' Donuts hot chocolate cup that had a wonderful message written on it. Since I'm a sucker for memories, I took a picture of it so I can at least have the message and the idea in picture form forever.
This is where things start to suck. Two days later, Apple comes out with the iOS5 update for the iPhone. Of course, I'm excited to upgrade my equipment--especially after reading what would change. Technology, ever being the fickle bitch, decided to make my life a bit more difficult. None of my information, pictures, contacts, or apps were backed up in iTunes. Therefore, when the update was finished and my phone restored to factory settings I had nothing. All pictures gone. All apps gone. Contacts gone. It was devastating! Thankfully, I was able to put my contacts back in the phone and found most of the apps I lost. However, it's those pictures I'll miss the most. 500 pictures of sunsets, laughter and pure wonderfulness. And that cup that's already in the trash. Never got a chance to upload it to my computer.
And this happening while I was bemoaning my single-ness. Two ways to look at it: nothing is on the phone to remind of what was. I can focus on what is. Another is that there are memories that i'll never retrieve because technology is fickle.
All I can do now is what I've been doing for the past month--accepting and moving on.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
A New Poem and a New Post
"September and October Light"
The sun beats Halloween orange--
sliding behind the clouds
down the sky.
The city is black and unlit
untouched by pulsing sky.
It darkens and is ocean-empty.
Wet, sickly leaves stain the porch--
nauseous brown shadows.
Just gray, damp, slick and brown.
It never blends--just becomes.
There is infinite September light
between us. Warm and listless
it hovers.
We can feel its heat stagnate the air.
That's September. That's the sun growing tired--
bursting into orange--igniting
space between the clouds, the city, you and I.
Brown-specked yellow leaves
appear in the morning. Never orange.
They become the pavement.
There is a little light
glinting in the beads on the gray porch.
September waves from
the leaf stains.
Too bright. Infinitely between us.
October light glides in the
fog. In the veins of leaves.
It bursts into orange.
Illuminating the gray
filling the space between
the leaves, the clouds, the sky,
you and I.
~~~
This poem was inspired by the poet Richard Siken's collection Crush. The book was given to me by a friend for my birthday which was this past Saturday. I devoured every poem. His images are so powerful and poignant. Exactly the kind of poetry I love--the kind that frustrates, teases, and awes. Siken manages to string together images so well that you have no choice but to follow their siren call. I love the fact that he keeps returning to certain images in his poem, changing it slightly and therefore there's meaning in the change. With this poem I wanted to emulate his style. It also gave me an opportunity to use a line I had dreamed a few weeks ago: "There is infinite September light between us." I woke up and there it was and at first I had no idea how I could use it. Then, after reading Siken, who uses light a few times, and after seeing a gorgeous sunset from my class at SSU I knew I could use it.
In other news: it seems like my near-incoherent rant last time bore no fruit. I have not maintained this blog as I had meant. Which is unfortunate. Though I think I have become more inwardly reflective. When I had Livejournal it was a space for me to get my thoughts out. Through that vomit I gleaned meaning. Now, I've noticed that talking is what does it for me--the actual verbal communication with people is what helps me process the day. Or I sit and reflect inwardly--not on paper or keyboard. Thoughts for me to chew on until next time!
The sun beats Halloween orange--
sliding behind the clouds
down the sky.
The city is black and unlit
untouched by pulsing sky.
It darkens and is ocean-empty.
Wet, sickly leaves stain the porch--
nauseous brown shadows.
Just gray, damp, slick and brown.
It never blends--just becomes.
There is infinite September light
between us. Warm and listless
it hovers.
We can feel its heat stagnate the air.
That's September. That's the sun growing tired--
bursting into orange--igniting
space between the clouds, the city, you and I.
Brown-specked yellow leaves
appear in the morning. Never orange.
They become the pavement.
There is a little light
glinting in the beads on the gray porch.
September waves from
the leaf stains.
Too bright. Infinitely between us.
October light glides in the
fog. In the veins of leaves.
It bursts into orange.
Illuminating the gray
filling the space between
the leaves, the clouds, the sky,
you and I.
~~~
This poem was inspired by the poet Richard Siken's collection Crush. The book was given to me by a friend for my birthday which was this past Saturday. I devoured every poem. His images are so powerful and poignant. Exactly the kind of poetry I love--the kind that frustrates, teases, and awes. Siken manages to string together images so well that you have no choice but to follow their siren call. I love the fact that he keeps returning to certain images in his poem, changing it slightly and therefore there's meaning in the change. With this poem I wanted to emulate his style. It also gave me an opportunity to use a line I had dreamed a few weeks ago: "There is infinite September light between us." I woke up and there it was and at first I had no idea how I could use it. Then, after reading Siken, who uses light a few times, and after seeing a gorgeous sunset from my class at SSU I knew I could use it.
In other news: it seems like my near-incoherent rant last time bore no fruit. I have not maintained this blog as I had meant. Which is unfortunate. Though I think I have become more inwardly reflective. When I had Livejournal it was a space for me to get my thoughts out. Through that vomit I gleaned meaning. Now, I've noticed that talking is what does it for me--the actual verbal communication with people is what helps me process the day. Or I sit and reflect inwardly--not on paper or keyboard. Thoughts for me to chew on until next time!
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